How to want and enjoy sex

When you first met your partner, your relationship was likely filled with hope and excitement. You imagined your future sex life to be exciting, fun and passionate.

But it didn’t quite work out like that.

The routine of life has become real, and sex feels more like another thing on your to-do list.

When you sense that it’s been too long since the last time, you feel a growing sense of guilt and pressure and you find yourself thinking:

• “This feels like a chore, not something I actually want to do.”
• “We don’t spend enough quality time together to feel close.”
• “It feels like it’s more about their needs than mine.”
• “I’m not in the mood, and I don’t know how to get there.”

You know that your relationship is suffering from bad (or lack of) sex, but just pushing through feels exhausting.

You know there is something wrong with your sex life, but what's the real issue here?

You might be thinking...

• “It’s normal for passion to fade in long-term relationships.”
• “I’m just not built to enjoy sex the way others do.”
• “If they would just try harder to romance me, I’d feel different.”
• “Once we have more time, this will sort itself out.”
• “This is just how relationships are after a while.”
• “Maybe I’m too broken from my past to enjoy sex now.”

But here’s the truth: These are just misconceptions that keep you stuck. None of them address the deeper, underlying issues that may be affecting your relationship. And I’m here to help you uncover and rewrite them so you can finally feel connected and fulfilled again.

Why many couples never find the underlying issue.

In my work as a sexologist and relationship coach, I’ve seen countless couples face challenges with intimacy. Time and again, they’ve come to me feeling frustrated, disconnected, and unsure of how to move forward.

Often, they’d describe their struggles: one partner feels more desire than the other, intimacy feels forced or absent, or they’re stuck in patterns of avoidance and pressure. Many hoped I’d tell them their instincts were right—that their partner was at fault or that their relationship couldn’t be fixed.

But it simply wasn't true.

That’s because, in most cases, the real issue wasn’t what they thought it was.

Couples often focus on surface problems, like how often they’re intimate or whether they’re "in the mood." But the deeper root cause often goes unnoticed.

For many, the challenge stems from something much bigger: the beliefs they’ve carried about sex and intimacy since they were young. If you grew up in an environment that framed sex as shameful, dangerous, or something to fear—what’s sometimes called purity culture—those ideas can linger (even subconsciously), shaping your relationship in ways you might not even realize.

Purity culture promotes the idea that sex should be avoided until marriage, after which it’s magically supposed to feel effortless and fulfilling.

Those early messages like "Don't have sex," "Cover up," or "Good girls don’t think about those things" don’t just disappear overnight. Instead, they can linger in your subconscious, creating invisible barriers to intimacy. You might find yourself feeling hesitant, disconnected, or even guilty—without fully understanding why. These old beliefs can leave you feeling confused, frustrated, and stuck, even when you genuinely want to connect.

Over years of working with couples, I’ve learned that these early teachings—though often well-meaning—can leave deep, unintended scars. They influence how you communicate about intimacy, how you connect with your partner, and even how you see yourself.

Here’s what I know: avoidance, trying to push through, or more date nights won’t fix these deeper issues. It’s not about blaming yourself, your partner, or external factors. It’s about understanding how your beliefs about sex are holding you back—and learning how to let them go.

When you tackle the root cause, everything begins to shift. The constant frustration and feelings of disconnection fade away as intimacy starts to feel connected and joyful.

You don’t have to keep struggling with the same surface problems. By addressing the foundation, you can create a new, healthier dynamic that brings you closer than ever.

And the best part? There’s an easy way to do this. My course is designed to help you uncover these hidden barriers and guide you step by step toward a relationship that’s vibrant, connected, and deeply fulfilling.

This Course will help you...

• Get to the root of why intimacy feels like an obligation instead of a desire.

• Identify and rewrite the subconscious beliefs that keep you stuck.

• Build a new, fulfilling connection with your partner—without pressure or guilt.

• Learn how to rekindle desire and make intimacy feel more natural and connected.

If you've been waiting for things to change on their own, now’s the time to take action. This isn’t about forcing yourself into intimacy or just "trying harder." It’s about real, lasting transformation that makes sex feel like something you want—not something you have to do.

This course will give you the tools, techniques, and guidance to approach intimacy with confidence and joy.

Are you ready to experience intimacy in a whole new way? Let’s do this together.

Listen & Learn Anywhere.

This course includes 10 powerful audio trainings designed to fit into your life—whether you’re commuting, walking, or winding down at night. No awkward videos, no complicated exercises—just real, actionable insights that help you create lasting change.

Here’s a peek inside:

Module 1 – Welcome
Start with everything you need to know and how to get the most from this experience (plus how to get extra support if you need it).

Module 2 – The Beliefs That Drive Desire
Learn from two life stories that are so common among my clients. Plus I'll reveal the Pyramid Theory that explains what’s really going on underneath low desire.

Module 3 – Challenges and Solutions
I talk through the most common challenges, and give practical ways you can work through them. Challenges like:

• “It’s hard to even get started.”

• “It doesn’t feel good for me.”

• “We need different things to feel close.”

• “It hurts.”

• “I’m always overwhelmed and touched out.”

• “I wish sex was initiated differently.”

Each challenge comes with compassionate guidance and actionable strategies.

Module 4 – Closing Thoughts
A gentle wrap-up with the most important takeaways and next steps.

Module 5 – Bonus Resources
You’ll get TEN game-changing resources to help you apply what you learn and start seeing real results, including; conversation starters, worksheets, the erogenous zone 'cheat sheet' and calming meditations. 

💡 This isn’t just about sex—it’s about confidence, connection, and learning to actually want intimacy, without guilt or obligation.

About the author

Hey, I'm Meg Cowan. I'm a Sexologist and Relationship Coach, from Tauranga, New Zealand, qualified by the American Board of Sexology.